Selamat Hari Lahir, Bapak.

Lagu Memories-nya Maroon 5 siang ini sungguhan membawa sedikit kilas balik tentang Bapak. Kebetulan pula hari ini adalah tanggal lahir Bapak, ingatan dan kenangan tentang beliau datang dengan sendiri, diiringi dengan rasa sedih yang menyeruak.

Iya, sudah tujuh puluh lima hari Bapak pergi, dan rasanya masih unbelievable. Tak terbayang rasanya nanti waktu pulang ke rumah dan ga ada Bapak di tempat tidurnya.

29 September 2019. I didn't see it coming. Well, I actually knew that time would come; the time when I would lose my dad. I just didn't see it coming that fast, in that morning. I was going to take ablution when I checked on my dad who was -I guessed- sleeping. I focused on his chest hoping to see that movement. I was relieved to see it. Then, I left, took wudhu and performed subuh prayer. Not long after it, Mom anxiously came to us, me-my brother-sister in law. We rushed to Bapak's bedroom and I didn't see that movement any longer. I was speechless; and even dumbstruck with sorrow when my sister-in-law confirmed that Bapak has passed away.

My last memory with him was when I fed him steamed singkong. When I wanted to take something, he said "Where'd you go?". Those were the last words -he could barely said- I heard. My dad, who used to have tall-strong body and loud voice, was at that time very skinny. His cheekbones, rib bones, were slightly seen. The diabetes has taken every single strength he had.

I never had the perfect dad-daughter relationship with Bapak. We disagreed a lot. I got angry many times. Maybe he felt the same about me. Despite those disagreements and anger, I believed we loved each other although we rarely showed it. My mom once said that no one would ever love me the way Bapak did. That's why when I got annoyed or angry at Bapak, I would recall the good deeds he had done for me and the family. It worked, every time.

When he got sick; getting worse from time to time, my kind-of-hatred feeling was gradually dissolving. I grew fonder of him. Still not a perfect relationship, but better. Seeing him on the bed, seeing how hard he could speak really broke my heart every time I visited our house in Purworejo. Now, it is so much more heartbreaking to be unable to see him anymore.

Selamat hari lahir, Bapak, untuk usia yang tidak sempat kau lewati. Semoga Allah memberikan tempat terbaik untuk Bapak, menunjukkan indahnya surga sebagai pemandangan sehari-hari. Allahumagfirlahu warkhamhu wa'afihi wa'fu'anhu.